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Having lost my full-time job yet still on the same body clock, I managed to get back into an old habit that I ditched during the onset of the pandemic – binge-watching Youtube videos.

I realized I haven’t been watching the channels I’m subscribed to and I’m still not eager to be updated until I encountered this video.

With Baguio and other local destinations slowly and cautiously opening their doors to the public, I don’t have the same enthusiasm for traveling now due to the requirements one must have in order to enjoy their vacation.

In a few weeks would be our 8th wedding anniversary and I can totally picture being stuck at home. In the past few months I’ve been going to malls, there’s always a hint of despair in every shop/restaurant I’ve been. Everyone is eager to make money but it was and still a difficult time for everyone.

Lesson learned: Love is the greatest gift to mankind.

Ugly Conversations

In less than seven (7) days, two (2) incidents happened – another family drama with my in-laws, and earlier yesterday, I went AWOL from Job #2 which lead to my termination.

With my in-laws, it always feels like walking on thin ice when dealing with them. You see, they are the traditional ones who believes that the elders are authority – regardless if they make sense or not. As someone who came from a broken family, I go by whoever is more logical and frankly, I’m not getting that from my in-laws. It’s interesting how my sister-in-law got married last Friday and yet all the elders were talking about was me and my husband skipping the said event. I even had a debate over text with my uncle-in-law who is a pastor who rebutts with every Bible verse he can find. Geez. All this drama and they are not even alta.

Yesterday morning, I received an email from our HR at Job #2 stating ‘Termination of Services’, I actually saw this coming, as I have been praying hard to get a break since the pandemic began. I was able to save up as I worked 3 jobs and I’m not exactly high maintenance and being relieved from this job was a relief. It’s not an environment I would grow as a person, and I sure do miss the work ethics of my very first job. It is different when it comes to remote working but I believe every staff deserved to be treated professionally and act accordingly.

YOU DESERVE WHAT YOU TOLERATE" - YouTube

Nonetheless, I’m grateful that I get to relax. I just hope to find a better job after a month or two.

In Progress

So much has happened since last week and I’m not sure how or where to start.

Remember the wedding I was hesitant to attend? In the end, my husband and I decided to skip it. Originally we were advised that there were only 30 visitors but I found out the night before that it’s actually 50 now. Another is that my in-laws are back at their manipulative, emotionally blackmailing texts to my husband which pissed him off so he, too, decided not to go. Of course, Friday + rainy weather + Tagaytay is also not a great time, aside from the fact that people are dying from Covid on a daily basis.

As for my struggle with Job #2, I think I just went on AWOL last night. Our operations manager is back at it again with her juvenile act and this time it was directed towards me. I logged out early on, and I’m still contemplating whether I should work later or not.

I’m 34 and I’ve been patient with other people for the most part. Everyone needs appreciation and I am not an exemption.

It’s Been A While

My better and highest paying client has informed me that they will be ending my contract this Friday. It was sad but I’m optimistic that they will hire me for the 4th time – they hire contractors based on business needs and I’m glad that I have made enough connections to stay significant.

That being said, I had a conversation with a fellow trainer from Job 1 who will be returning from a long leave. It dawned on me that, while I have Job #2 as a full-time job, Job #1 will always be my fallback. Primarily because I have to register my professional services thus leading to certain technicalities with BIR. I’ve been wanting to leave for the longest time but job security will always be questionable as a freelancer – especially when the competition is tight as everyone has gone digital now.

Honestly, everything is going well at Job #2 but I’m starting to see how much of a neophyte the management is. Our Operations Manager (OM) reprimands my colleague/s in group meetings. Aside from dealing with unnecessary Zoom meetings, I don’t need to be reminded that I could be in their place if I screw up, be it minor or major detail. At some point I was in that position, and I’m starting to distance myself and just heavily (?) focusing on work. Somebody should train the managers in this company about the basics of giving feedback to their subordinates.

What I do like is I discovered that I do have a knack for marketing, convincing people in a way. Some of my colleagues were impressed with my performance and it hasn’t been a month to my new role but I’m breezing through it on a normal basis. Well, it was also this year that I engaged in a particular networking-disguised-as-a-travel-agency business so I’d like to believe that I still have some potential to unlock. I thought my life was done when I got married!

Wonder what I’ll figure out by the time I’m 45, 55, 65 and beyond?

Few hours ago, my mentor flagged me as I had a minor hiccup on a particular file we both had access to. We were discussing via Slack and while we were comfortable with each other to a certain extent, when he said “kakagatin kita jan” I must admit I blushed a bit. While my I’m with my husband 24/7, his love language is different from mine. He’s more into actions; I prefer words. And small, undirected phrases as such can brighten my day. Frankly, this was not the first time he made me blush, I just remembered I got the same feeling when I saw his new haircut during the meeting. Usually his video is turned off but for some reason, he decided to show himself.

Guess I’m bored.

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Cracked The Code

Yesterday, I had the opportunity to enter the Endless Tower (ET) thanks to the streamer I have been consistently watching for six months. Since ABS CBN’s shutdown, despite having cable tv and Netflix, entertainment on the boob tube has been doomed. Streamers have been rampant on Facebook and good thing this particular streamer really put a lot of effort and thought on his daily content.

What is Endless Tower? If you’re familiar with Hunter x Hunter’s Heaven’s Arena, it’s pretty much the same thing. In Solace Ragnarok, Endless tower contains 100 levels of monsters that, as a party, you have to defeat successively. The loots are already rewarding but the higher you go, the tougher it gets. If I remember correctly there are boss monsters every 10 / 15 levels but each map is already a tough nut to crack to begin with.

So me and my husband along with the fellow viewers who are actually friends with the streamer, went there and we reached up to the 65th floor. The only party who has reached the top level is a Korean guild who is somewhat in hot water because Filipinos are experts in crab mentality. Anyways…

After that fun trip to ET, I realized why I dread after shift hangouts, clingy colleagues and unnecessary meetings. I’M NOT A TEAM PLAYER and that is one trait any recruiter wouldn’t want to waste time on. It’s ironic how people see me as a great host yet know for a fact that I’m not fun at parties.

The streamer’s wife happens to be a very, very, very close friend of mine in college. So close we have pictures in Tronix (hehe) I still keep up to now. So close we exchanged some very personal stuff way back, way personal than what people call “of sentimental value”. But after “life” happened, we just grew apart, we just talk about the game and that’s practically it. I’m still dumbfounded how having kids cause people to unintentionally alienate “non-parents” in their crowd.

So in today’s generation, there’s the Gen Z which were mistakenly identified as millenials, the actual millenials who are parents now, and my bracket – the childless ones. The people whom were thought to have no responsibility but have time and/or money to spare. Those who were told “buti ka pa / swerte mo nga wala ka pang anak” like we don’t have real concerns that bring us tremendous anxiety. Of course, for the most part, we have been silent. While majority of our network are having kids, we stand alone because the said majority cannot relate.

Just know that you are not alone on the childless, “carefree” lifestyle. Decisions were made and we chose the detour. Some are busy chasing their dreams, some are busy fulfilling other people’s dreams, and some, just like me, choose to be at peace. And it’s hard to find peace when you can’t even get a decent good night sleep.